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Things you might like to say at work - but shouldn't!

  • I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
  • How about never? Is never good for you?
  • I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*!.
  • I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  • I'm actually really easy to work with - once people learn to worship me.
  • OK, I'll try to be nicer if you'll try to be smarter.
  • No I don't actually work here, I'm a consultant.
  • I know it sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
  • Ahhh... I see the f***-up fairy has paid us a visit again.
  • You know I really like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  • You know I have plenty of talent and vision. It's just that I just don't give a damn.
  • Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
  • The fact that no-one understands you DOES NOT mean that you're an artist.
  • Please note that any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  • What am I? Fly-paper for freaks!?
  • No, I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
  • Yes, I am an agent of Satan. But my duties are largely ceremonial.
  • And your cry-baby, whiny-arsed opinion would be....?
  • Do I look like a people person?
  • Please note that this isn't really an office. It's actually Hell with fluorescent lighting.
  • Sarcasm is just one of the many services we have to offer here.
  • If I throw a stick, would you leave?
  • Errors have been made - others will be blamed.
  • Whatever kind of look you were aiming for - you missed!
  • I'm trying my best to imagine you with a personality.
  • Please can I trade this job in for whatever's in room 101.
  • Nice perfume (aftershave), but must you marinate in it?
  • How do I set a laser printer to STUN?
  • I thought I wanted a career. But it turns out I just wanted pay cheques.
  • Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.